Accidental Advice: Lubes for Pornpeople

Question: what kind of lube do pornpeople use?

Ah, now this is a good question. As we always say here at Early to Bed, when trying to learn more about sex, definitely turn to porn for your answers. It’s because they’re so realistic and have such reasonable and true-to-life depictions of sex.

I’m hoping it goes without saying that I’m joking, but you never know with the internet. So I’ll just say it – I’m joking.

Looking to porn to answer your questions about the mechanics of sex, or to get advice about lube, toys, penetration options, what most humans enjoy, etc. is a really terrible idea. Porn exists to entertain you and to get you off. That is it. The people who participate in porn are actors, and just as you don’t truly believe that Jack Black could disable a network of lasers with his cock in the Tenacious D movie, you should not believe that the lube used in porn is the lube you should be using in your bedroom.

Not to mention the fact that 90+% of “pornpeople lube” is actually just the actors spitting on each other. They spit on cocks, on pussies, on butt holes. They spit huge loogies and delicate dribbles. They just spit all the livelong day. But here’s the thing – spit is great in a pinch, when you need *just* a tiny extra bit of moisture to get you started, but it is laughable as a lube. Plus, let’s be honest. It just looks ridiculous. What are you, an old timey baseball player, spitting on your hands before you pick up your wooden bat and stride to the plate in your wool onesie? Give me a break.

The times that I have seen pornpeople use actual lubes, it has been mostly silicone. Silicone lube is great for many things, but it has its downsides as well. It is not water soluble, meaning it will not soak into your skin and get sticky. This also means it’s great for a nice shower fuck, as it won’t wash off. But it can stain sheets, it leaves a slimy residue on whatever body part was fucked (which can be wiped off with a towel, but not washed off with water) and, for anal sex, it doesn’t protect your delicate anal tissues the way a thicker, more cushiony water-based lube (like Maximus) can. It is also not to be used with silicone or cyberskin toys, as it can dissolve those materials. Nevertheless, silicone lube can be a lot of fun. It’s also a great odor-free “oil” for massages, making it easy to segue into fucking… as unlike actual oils, it is latex-compatible. Hooray for multi-tasking! Some of our favorite silicone lubes include Amorist and Pink.

But don’t neglect water-based lubes just because pornpeople do! Water-based lubes are great – they come in many varieties from lotiony to gel-like, thick and viscous to smooth and thin. Because they are made of mostly water, they will eventually absorb into your skin, but you can always keep a little spray bottle near your bed and spray it on a sticky spot to “reactivate” the lube. And some water-based lubes are longer lasting than others. Our faves are Liquid Silk (lotiony and smooth) and Sliquid H2O (remarkably similar in consistency to vaginal fluids) but there is a smorgasbord of options for you.

So there you have it. Say no to spit and yes to the amazing variety of water-based and silicone lubes at your disposal. And maybe the pornpeople will start taking advice from you.

Got a burning question you want answered? Too embarrassed to ask someone who might actually be able to help? Ask Google and maybe it’ll show up under our Search Terms so I can write a column about it!

 

Staff Review: Pink Silicone Lubricant for Women

Remember those obnoxious deodorant commercials: “Strong enough for a man, pH balanced for a woman”? Those always pissed me off. What does that even mean, first of all, and second of all that just reeks of marketing ploy. Of course, gender-targeted marketing has gotten much more pervasive since then, but even so, I am highly skeptical of any unisex product that is strictly marketed toward a particular gender. So when I was first introduced to Pink, I rolled my eyes, I snorted, I made snarky comments about the patriarchy and its apparently unending hegemony. Silicone lubricant “for women”? Puh-leez.

But then I tried it. This stuff is GOOD. Now, keep in mind, I used to be a devotee of Slippery Stuff, but let’s be honest. That stuff gets stickier than a melted popsicle in about 10 seconds flat. I do love me some Liquid Silk, but it tastes kinda yucky. I’ve tried other silicone lubes, and they all felt like fucking in an oil slick, so I wasn’t keen on trying another, thinking all silicone was created equal, but this stuff is different. Yeah it’s slick, and yeah, it’s not water soluble so it doesn’t just absorb into your skin (good for slickeriness, bad for trying to wash up after), but it has this unique, almost velvety feel to it. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it adds just a little bit of texture to the sensation, so you get that eternal lubrication of silicone with just a touch of friction. Plus, it really does moisturize, which seems like a strange thing to want for your business, but let me tell you, my parts were silky smooth.

I still don’t know about all this “for women” nonsense. My cis-gendered male honey loves this stuff too, for all the same reasons. But I’m willing to turn the other cheek for now, so long as they keep making the stuff.

-Eden

 

Georgia thief likes his meat slippery.

This article requires very little introduction. Just be sure to read the police report below it.

 

The Accidental Advice Column: Dildo’s and Dildon’ts

Today’s topic: can infection occur after using a strap

Let’s start out today’s column with a public service announcement:

While I love doing this column, I must exhort you all to please remember that Google is not a doctor, and the internet, while knowledgeable, cannot cure your ailments. So please. If you have an infection, get to a clinic, a doctor, an emergency room, whatever.

With that out of the way, let us begin.

Can one get an infection while using a strap (what I am going to assume is a “strap-on”)? Of course! You can get any number of infections, depending on the circumstances. Three of the most likely infections are: yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and sexually transmitted infections. Do not assume that just because a dildo is not technically skin, that it cannot harbor dirt, bacteria, and viruses.

First, the yeast infection. If you are using a lube that your body does not like – whether it isn’t correctly pH-balanced or contains glycerine (a sugar derivative) or if your body is just finicky, it is possible that you can develop a yeast infection. Likewise, if the dildo you are using has not been properly cleaned, or is made with chemicals or materials your body reacts to, the yeasties can start developing. The best you can do here is use a gentle lubricant (like Sliquid H2O) and/or invest in a hygenic, easily-sterilizable, non-porous, high-quality,  non-reactive silicone dildo and clean it well. If you are using an inexpensive rubber dil, and you’re not allergic to latex, look into using condoms on the toy. Get a non-lubricated condom and put your own lube on the inside and outside, to cut down on friction. Oh, and go to the doctor to get your business checked out. I am not a doctor.

Urinary tract infections! Gah! These things are horrible. You feel like you have to pee, but you can’t. You get a fever, your abdomen hurts, not good stuff. These can come about if there is unfamiliar bacteria on the toy. So if it hasn’t been cleaned properly, if it is porous (made of rubber – thus trapping old bacteria that can never get truly cleaned off), if you’re using irritating lubricants… these kinds of things can cause UTIs. UTIs MUST be treated promptly or they can spread to your kidneys and beyond. So clean your toys and go see a doctor. Well, go to the doctor first, then clean the toys. But don’t forget!

Finally, sexually transmitted infections. Yes! It is possible to contract an STI even when the dildo does not officially attach to your partner’s body! If your partner has an STI and has been touching the dildo before inserting it, or if the dildo has been shared by people who have STIs and then not properly cleaned, or if the dildo is porous and has been used by multiple people without condoms… yes! You can get an STI. The symptoms are many, and can overlap with yeast infections and UTIs, so go get tested. In the future, use condoms when sharing your toys, boil your silicone dildos between use, and practice safer sex no matter what you’re sticking in yourself and others.

-Eden

Got a burning question you want answered? Too embarrassed to ask someone who might actually be able to help? Ask Google and maybe it’ll show up under our Search Terms so I can write a column about it!

 

I ♥ Microbicides

I can’t say enough about how amazing Microbicides and their possible uses are! There’s a ton to say about the topic. They will revolutionize people’s sexual health internationally, and across class, race, gender as well as sexual orientation and sexual practices. Please visit the website, or better yet attend the event this Wednesday that’s listed below, to learn more. But if you only have a moment take this info bite away with you:

Microbicides = inexpensive, over the counter sex lubes that can reduce your risk of infection HIV and other STIs!

-Rebecca

Direct from Delhi – Microbicides 2008 Comes to Sweet Home Chicago

Direct from Delhi – Microbicides 2008 Comes to Sweet Home Chicago

Wednesday June 25, 2008

6:00-8:00 p.m.

University Center

525 S. State Street

Chicago, IL

Please join the Chicago Women and Girls HIV Prevention Coalition and the International Rectal Microbicide Advocates for this exclusive update from across the globe on the current developments in microbicide research and advocacy – direct from the Microbicides 2008 conference held in New Delhi, India. Microbicides are products currently in development that a person could use to reduce her or his risk from infection of HIV and other STDs.

RSVP – it’s FREE.

This dynamic event will feature microbicide advocacy leaders:

Latifa Boyce
Alliance for Microbicide Development

Dázon Dixon Diallo
SisterLove, Inc.

Jim Pickett
International Rectal Microbicide Advocates
AIDS Foundation of Chicago

 

Lube Experiments

Our own Garnet Joyce (aka me) discovered something pretty neat the other day that has been getting a lot of attention. In a recent post in my blog AskGarnet I talk about my experiment with lube to see if it is flammable. The story has been featured on Wired and Violet Blue’s Blog. There’s even a fun video!

 

Your questions… answered! (part deux)

Question: 

I have a question, I don’t even know if I’m posting this in the right place. But my girl friend and i have been together for almost 2 years… Shes a little nervous about trying out a ‘dildo or a vibrator. I wanted to know what vibrator or dildo was best for us.

She says she wants to get one, but i can tell she is very nervous, It will be our first time ever using a dildo, but she seems to be more nervous about it then I am.  Also she seems to be a little more sensitive in the vagina area. So what should i use that will be satisfying, yet not so painful?

We are looking for nothing more then 6 inches long. and thickness I’m not sure. And also, are we better off with a vibrator or strap on? We do want one of us to be able to wear it, but do they make strap on vibrators? And like I said, what would be more pleasing?

Answer:

Well first off, let’s make sure we’re on the same page here. Terminology can get a little bit confusing, so I just want to make sure we’re all talking about the same thing.  A dildo is an elongated, generally non-vibrating toy that can be realistic (ie, shaped like a cock) or non-realistic (shaped like other things or just generally non-anatomical), and can be made of a number of different materials, from rubber to silicone to cyberskin.  Many dildos have a flared base to make them easier to harness.  There are vibrating dildos, but most vibrating toys are simply called vibrators. They can come in many shapes and sizes, can be used clitorally and sometimes (depending on the shape) internally, but never have a flared base for harnessing. NOW! to answer your question.

If your girlfriend is interested in dildos but nervous about using them, I think the best policy is to be patient, take it slow, and remember to have fun! It might take awhile for you both to get used to using your new implement, so take some time to get to know it. Seriously! Wear it around for awhile.  Fool around while wearing it but without using it at first.  You can become more comfortable with using it when you really feel attached to it, so to speak.  That said, if it doesn’t work out the first, second, tenth time you try and use it, don’t freak out.  Just go back to doing the fooling around you love best, and come back to it another time.  Fun. Fun is the key here. Oh, and lube.  If your girlfriend is sensitive, be sure to use lots of water-based, gentle lube.  Sliquid H2O is a  great option.   If it seems appropriate for your situation, maybe a medical check-up is in order just to make absolutely sure her sensitivity isn’t due to an infection or other irritation.  Obviously I don’t know your exact situation, but use your best judgment.

Okay, now to the fun part. How do you pick out a dildo? Our website includes the dimensions of all our dildos, so if you see one that you like, you can immediately find out the length and diameter.  In choosing a dildo, as counter-intuitive as it may sound, length is not as important as girth.  You don’t need to insert the entire length of a dildo, and also you need to take into account that you will lose some length once you insert it through a harness because of the fabric thickness and O-ring.  With that in mind, a nice, smooth dildo without too much girth is Mistress.  Mistress is made of high-quality silicone and is a great shape for harnessing.  If you don’t want to spend the money on a silicone dildo just yet, you might be interested in Danny or Blue, if you want something less realistic (although Blue can be difficult to harness because of its flimsy base).  We do also have a couple of vibrating dildos… Buzz and Pink Panther come with wireless vibes tucked into a little hole in their base, and these dildos can be used with or without the vibrator, depending on your mood! As for which you would enjoy more… I can’t really answer that, much as I wish I could! Only you can figure that out.  If you’re not sure you want a vibrating dildo, you also have a couple other options.  You can get our Vibe Harness, which has a, you guessed it, vibrator in the harness! Or you can always get a vibrating cockring and put it on the dildo when you feel like getting a little extra clit stimulation out of it.

You didn’t ask about how to pick out a harness, but even so, I’m going to direct you to our Q & A page. Just click on the “Strap-On Sex” topic for more information on picking out harnesses, some more info on dildos, and general tips on strap-on sexing it up!

I hope this answers your question, but please don’t hesitate to write back for more information!

Happy Humping!

-Eden

 

Lube experiment: round 2

Though I kinda get a kick out of the semi-scientific, fourth-grade-chemistry-class-esque assignments that occasionally come across my (metaphorical) desk as a sex educator, the results (see my April entry “Like Two Positive Ends of Batteries, sort of”) rarely garner earth shattering results. Nevertheless, be comforted in knowing that we over here at Early To Bed are hard at work to make sure that we can give as much accurate information about health, pleasure, and the products we carry as possible.

This time the aim of my experiment was to give a thorough assessment of all lubes and body treats and their potential to stain your sheets….or couch…or car apolstery…or dining room table cloth…or, okay, you get it. I used plain, light colored sheets, thick, quarter sized drops of the liquid in question, and tested the staining properties after machine washing the next day regularly and also washing the next day after an application of Shout citrus stain remove.

The findings:

Water-based, colorless lube, including the O’my flavored lubes, will wash out under any circumstances. Silicone lube leaves a faint stain after being washed both with or without stain remover. Sliquid Silk, which is a creamy blend of silicone and water-based, does not leave a stain. We’ve recently started carrying an all natural homeopathic lubricant called Good Clean Love. Both the lavender and the cinnamon varieties will stain unless you use stain remover.

In terms of body treats, the Kama Sutra oil of loves (flavored heating massage oil) does not stain and the regular Kama Sutra Massage oil does, though Shout seems to do the trick to get it out. The only body treats that did not come out entirely with Shout were the chocolate body pens and the massage candles, though if you fail to use stain remover the Shunga Chocolate body paints as well as the Good Clean Love oils will stain.

So, I can’t promise you exactly what may happen with different quantities of fluids and different fabrics, but hopefully this will ease your mind a little if you’ve been loosing sleep over whether your favorite slippery stuff and your favorite sheets will like each other as much as you like both of them.

have fun,

lee